My Heart Is In It

It is the beginning of my favorite season of the year, fall. Today is the Autumnal Equinox, and I've been thinking about just how, and when, fall became my favorite season. In the 16th year of my life, I had a bad accident on a bicycle on, of all days, Halloween. I had misjudged the speed of a car entering the school zone as I crossed the street in front of my high school, and it hit my left leg and caused my bike to go flying. I landed in the street and got right up, which was a shock to myself and everyone else. Especially later in the ER when they said my left leg was so badly damaged it 'should' have been broken. It was black and blue and I could not touch my foot to the ground without experiencing excruciating pain (this lasted for an entire week afterward). But let me back up, to the night before this accident. It was a night like any other, my sister went to bed, I went to bed, my mother was reading in bed, my father was still in his home office, doing paperwork. My grandmother, whom we all affectionately called 'Nana', was in town for a visit, and asleep, as well. About an hour into my sleep, I was awakened by a pain in my leg like nothing I'd ever felt. I got out of bed and went to my mother, complaining that my leg hurt badly. She said, 'growing pains, go back to bed'. So I did...

Yes, what you are thinking is correct. It was a premonition of what was to come. I could not have known; no one could have known. And the next morning off I went to school like any other normal day. Later, as I lay in the ER, my mother and grandmother standing over me, I said to them, 'Remember last night?'. My mother nodded and held my hand. That was the beginning of a time in my life where I struggled to bring all of the odd things that had happened to me up to that point into some kind of parable that made some semblance of sense. It took a long time, a VERY long time. 
I was released that day to go home, bruised up but thankfully, my body had not been broken. Just my sense of safety and security, and that would begin my journey to where I am now, working in the alternative healing arts. A door certainly did fly open that moment. But it was one that had been ajar all along, since I choose to incarnate into my body, and along with the normal childhood happenings, in walked the magick....
That night I ate a bit of dinner in my bed, some chicken noodle soup. I had to crawl to the bathroom, not being able to maneuver the crutch I was given because it was too tall for me; I am only 5'. My mother brought the small b&w TV from the kitchen into my room so I could watch a movie or two if I could not sleep. Halloween movies. It was 1979, so there wasn't much to choose from on TV, but after the late news, they'd always play a movie. Have you all heard of a movie with Kim Novak and James Stewart, called 'Bell, Book & Candle'? It was the late movie. Something very synchronistic was happening to me; I felt as though the Universe was speaking directly to me. At 2 a.m. I drifted off to sleep. I dreamt of the movie I had just watched...

So why do I say, 'my heart is in it'? Mainly because I had already drawn up the blueprint for my life before I came down the birth canal, and those events that would be catalysts for getting me to this point right here were already lined up, by me. Everything was unfolding, even though at the age of 16 when I suddenly had a tremendous fear of death, I could not see the road map that my soul was following. It is interesting that I had a clear premonition, on Halloween, and later on found myself mesmerized by a witch movie.....and was left wondering if I'd ever feel normal again! A few years later, normal seemed like the last thing I would ever want to be. Anything unusual, otherworldly, spiritual, etc, fascinated me. It is as though I was standing just this side of the veil, and I could feel that there was more, and from that point on, I was always seeking it. Not darkness or death, but life after life. The light, eternal life, the sparkly place where a soul would no longer be limited by a body. Where the truth lived. And that is how my journey to this moment began. 
The journey was not without struggle, but I read every book, talked to every healer/herbalist I could find, and I set out to educate myself extensively in my craft, the craft of the wise, where world religions were irrelevant, and where the energy of the soul prevailed. These days when I meet a budding young intuitive/healer, I caution them to 'educate yourself' before attempting to help/heal others, because this path has shown me that a person needs relevant life experience and a strong ability to remain impersonal while being empathetic during a session. This is not a path to be taken lightly, dabbled in, or used for the purpose of 'feeling powerful and special'. When one takes the health and psyche of another human being, or animal, into their hands, they'd better be well prepared and in complete understanding of the responsibility they are taking on.

Not only is my heart in it, my soul is in it. My life IS this path. I cannot disconnect from it. I am this journey, and it is me. As I gaze out the window next to me, I notice a few leaves falling from the tree in the side yard, and I smile, knowing that this life is of my own design, and that all is well. It always has been and it always will be. The cycle of life goes on, and although life appears to end, appearances are deceiving. Close your eyes, place your hand on your heart.....that beating, it is energy. What is its source? Not the heart itself, not the brain...something sacred, more magnificent instructs it, a higher intelligence embedded in all energy. This is what I lovingly, devotedly call Divine Creator or Mother/Father God/dess.