It Is OK If You Don't Like Me
I think one of the most difficult lessons in life is to come to an acceptance and understanding of the fact that you will not be everyone's cup of tea. This has little to do with popularity contests and more to do with how unique each of us is and where we come from on life's path. When I was young, I had the goal of not being disliked by anyone. To not be liked was actually frightening, and caused me more upset tummies than I like to admit to. It felt like a death knell. On top of that huge fear, I was well aware that I was different, that I had abilities, a sixth sense if you will, and found it hard to relate to other teenagers and their seemingly childish concerns.
I managed to fit in just well enough to not be looked upon as an outcast, but had a strange sense that everything was a dream within a dream anyway. In a few years, none of it would matter. I was a bit of a mysterious loner, which magnetized the odd and mysterious men into my life.You see, empaths have a tendency of attracting damaged, outcast souls, rather than healthy-minded, well-adjusted ones. I don't know that I ever really had a perfect relationship, but it was not for lack of trying. I always over-gave, which made me seem weak, desperate and co-dependent. I was never any of those. I was just convinced that the energy that created us was love, and that it was what made life worth the journey. I was never afraid to try again, and again, and again!
Somewhere along the way, I began to grasp that what I was seeking was something I'd need to become/embody in order to attract kindred souls. I could not have a void within and hope that another soul, whether friend or lover, would magically fill that void with just the right ingredient. And....the most important realization of all was that not everyone would like or approve of me, no matter how nice or loving I was. My mother always said, it takes all kinds to make a world. And I wanted everyone on the planet to be fabulous and loving, and to interact with me in a healthy, adult way. What a fantasy!! With that mindset, one is doomed to disappointment at every turn.
Taking my focus off others was key. I was so hyper-focused on the externals that I didn't know how to create inner strength and resilience, and bring them into a confidence that could not be shaken. So, in the mid-1990's I stumbled upon the sacred feminine, the reclaiming of the Goddess, and embarked on a course of study. Suddenly it all made sense. Patriarchal masculine-oriented society had squashed out women's history and accomplishments down through the ages for the purpose of control. Blocks of time were missing or re-written. No wonder I, as a woman, felt so lost. We'd been told that it wasn't ladylike to be strong or to stand alone, so we fell in line. Of course, 1970's feminism did little to further our cause, because it was ugly, man-hating, cruel, dirty.....Ick! Men are beautiful and necessary, but they are NOT gods. They are humans.
Which brings me back to it being OK to not be everyone's cup of tea. Women, especially, need to have a mass exodus out of pleaser-ville. If a man, or anyone doesn't like you, TOUGH! If they say you don't suit their agenda, TOUGH! If they say you don't look they way they feel is pleasing, TOUGH! Let me make this perfectly clear. You were not put on this Earth to satisfy the five senses of ANYONE, for any reason. Its not your job to be liked. But it IS YOUR JOB to add something positive to this world. Offer love, but have no expectation or attachment to outcome. Offer empathy, but again, do not attach to the outcome. As you offer love, the Divine will replenish your efforts twice over. I'm not talking about giving away love to folks who would use you, nor am I talking about giving your body to anyone who looks your way. Be discerning, be of service, rebalance the imbalance of hate over love in this world. And as you offer heartfelt caring, LET IT GO, RELEASE IT TO THE ENTIRE PLANET, AND STEP BACK FROM NEEDING TO GET SOMETHING IN RETURN.
Most of the time, you will not only receive nothing from fellow humans, but you may also be ridiculed or looked upon as a pushover rather than the selfless, generous person you truly are. And you know what, I'd like to know who left other people the boss or god of you? NO ONE. If they were truly better than or in charge of you, you'd have no freedom of choice with the ability to turn and walk away. Take them off the pedestal, and put yourself up there. You know who you are, you know what you have to offer, and the people who truly matter on your life's path will like you. THEY are the ones who matter. But your own self-acceptance and self-love matters most of all. It is your Divine right, own it.
One of my favorite verses goes something like this:
You will not always receive love, love anyway
You will not always be liked, be friendly anyway
You will not always succeed, try again....
and so on. I think you get my drift.
No, not everyone will like you, get you, love you, stand by you. So, do all those things for yourself, and you'll never want for approval or love. And people will treat you the way you treat yourself :-)
Love & Blessings,
Rev. Paula ∞