Unable To Commit To Your Life?
Commitment. Is it your biggest fear?
I've been tossing this word around in my head lately, after observing what people seem to avoid/fear most these days. I've quietly followed the behaviors of clients, friends, family, groups of people in general, and I've come to the conclusion that somewhere along the line, our society has lost the ability to make solid, responsible decisions and commit to them. This is a big topic to bite into, but overall, my observations have led me to ask 'why' is this happening, and 'what about the human race has changed in the last 20 or so years'?
I have also asked, What is usually behind the inability to commit? What do people resist committing to? And, what does this say about the maturity level of our society---are people simply resisting growing up? It is clear, we do have an obsession with youth in this country. The general consensus seems to be that aging is a disease, and that as people age they not only lose their beauty, they also lose their value. There is an almost paranoid rejection of things and people that have become seasoned and experienced. We 'delete it'---we do it with buildings, with spouses, with household items...everything....throw it away! Just look at the huge number of folks who surrender their elderly pets to shelters just because they are old. These poor animals usually end up dying of broken hearts, because while they were committed to their owners, their owners' commitment came with a disclaimer---'committed til you're no longer of any use to me'. There used to be a time when grandpa and grandma were the ones you went to for advice, and to stay for a week or two with to re-align with the family history and connection when life got to be too cold and surreal. But...what does all this have to do with commitment?
Well, if there is a pervading tendency to run from anything older than a minute or two, and to seek out something brand new (new cell phone every year, anyone?), this means we don't stick with anything for very long, and this applies across the board.....education, marriage, cable contract, parenting, diets, cars, new year's resolutions, pets, health programs, therapy....ah, the list goes on. With the growth of the internet and mobile communication, we have become very used to instant gratification. Where-by that term used to be something tossed around by a therapist referring to a tiny faction of addicted folks, it is now commonplace and can apply to society as a whole. Have you ever left the house without your cell phone and driven all the way back home for it? Or, have you ever texted someone and then become angry when you didn't receive an instant response? Oh, so that new partner took 10 minutes rather than 5 to respond? Perhaps they aren't the ONE, and it just may be time to go back on the dating site. Within an hour you'll have another date and 100 winks! Yup, you won't have to spend any amount of time with yourself, in quiet reflection, asking yourself WHY on earth you made such a rash decision to dump your new flame over a 5 minute delay, and also, asking yourself if maybe, just maybe, you're not allowing yourself to commit to a grown-up relationship based on real human interaction....
Which leads me to say this. SLOW DOWN & GROW UP!
I'm not trying to be mean, seriously. But you need to sit down with yourself, alone, in the woods, for a week, and ask yourself what is really important to you. Why? Because you won't realize how brainwashed you are until you get away from the everyday programming that constantly whispers in your ear that something better might be just around the corner, so by all means, DON'T miss out by making a commitment to that thing or person that seems like a lovely choice right now!
I spent this year committing to and following through with weight loss. I woke up one early February morning and said to myself, I'm done denying and pretending that this is not about what it REALLY IS about, me making the commitment to myself to like better what I see in the mirror, and to get healthier in the process. Every day from that day forward, I had to re-commit, because food was in the house. Especially sweets, my biggest weakness, but I had to decide that I was going to triumph, and win, no matter how long it took. I chose COMMITMENT over instant gratification. And I liked finally making a choice, dammit.
I'm going to tell you right now, committing is never an easy thing. It involves realizing the blessing of now, the blessing of even having a choice at all, and stepping into the energy of how you will feel once you commit to the path and begin being ALL IN instead of having one foot hanging out the door out of a fear that controls you rather than you having that ultimate control. In my opinion, there are no wrong choices, just unfortunate things that happen if you don't make any choice at all. If you don't, then usually the Universe will make that choice for you.
I don't know about you, but I DON'T like the thought of that, not one bit. If I made NO CHOICE, and refused to commit to health, my spiritual path, love, or my dog and her well-being, the Universe would eventually make that choice for me......which could result in something like diabetes, loneliness, loss, or who knows what. I think I'd rather commit by making a choice from a sane, loving space within, and breathe a sigh of relief knowing that everything has value, remembering that an elderly person, an old building, or a senior dog has just as much value as a newborn baby, a new car, or a puppy.
Commitment is about love, and it begins with loving yourself enough to use your power of choice to pick a path and stay on it long enough to find wisdom, growth, and depth of character as you move forward. Don't be afraid of it; be more afraid of having your power of choice taken away, of having waited too long or passed up something amazing in favor of a pie in the sky fantasy that was perhaps never there, and if it somehow was, would, after a while, become just as everyday common as those things that you currently take for granted.
Enjoy your holidays, everyone, and try simply committing to immersing yourself in being fully present in the moment. Tomorrow can wait. Life is NOW.