My Valentine To You!
Everyone wants it. We can't see it, nor hold it, and sometimes, we can't even feel it. Sometimes it hits hard, like a tornado, and then, it is gone....and sadly, it takes plenty of our energy with it.
Emotions are never easy to decipher. Love is probably the most difficult. At least with anger, we know where it came from; what caused it, mostly. But love; THAT is a whole other story. And if we step into it, we're taking one of life's most massive risks, because love is thought to be the master of our blood-pumping organ, the heart. On a physical level, we need the heart to survive. And before you say it isn't possible, YES, a person can die of a broken heart. IF the mindset they are in is that they are, without the partner, just a half of what was once whole....
So this leads me to a deeper thought. As much fun as falling in love is, it rarely lasts a lifetime. Sometimes what we perceive as love is really just lust, and much of the time we're so drunk on it, we don't even realize that we haven't made the distinction between the two. Worse yet, we literally and figuratively get naked with someone whose darkest tendencies may be very well hidden; usually for fear that you won't let them into your most precious home...your heart. Its like a game of quarters, who can get the most intoxicated. But why do you think we not only allow this to happen, but we seek it out? What is the soul looking for, really, truly?
Let's explore, and I'll give an example in order to make things crystal clear.....
Let's say you're single. For some reason, all you seem to observe when you leave the house is huggy kissy blissful couples (that is because we always want and are more aware of what we don't have). So you head down to the local bookshop, get your usual coffee or tea, and sit down with a magazine or laptop. As you get your materials all situated, you glance around the room. Keep in mind, depending on your current level of self-love and self-worth, what I'm about to say next will hit you differently. You notice a man looking in your direction. Wow, he is attractive, your type. He is squinting, with a half-smile. What would you think?
A. He wants to meet me, he is attracted.
B. He is wondering if you're his friend's sister
C. He notices that you have two different color socks on LOL
D. He is thinking you're alone and a perfect target for a robbery
I know I know, I took the wind out of your sails with those last two! However, if you were in a strong, solid relationship with someone else, or as self-confident as you ought to be, would you have come to one of the other three conclusions? Maybe. At most you might have thought, 'How flattering', and gone about your reading. But this is one of the ways that we go down a very wrong path when it comes to 'love'. The void is there. It is SO THERE. We are lonely, we don't like ourselves, we think we are boring, odd, have bad hair, are fat, or too skinny, and the list goes on. If someone would love me, all these things would go away...if someone ELSE saw them as endearing! Guess what? You'll still wake up as you the next morning.
I'm going to offer an explanation. But beware, it might cause you to actually avoid romantic love, to be a bit suspect of anyone who comes on like a freight train. You know that desperate person who says you are their karmic past life soulmate ...yada yada. Run the other way. They, like you, have most probably not done the true inner LOVE work, but how are either of you to know what work that is? How does one fall so much in love with themselves and life that they don't open themselves up to or even invite haphazardly, eventual heartache? Instead making a conscious choice to use that element of attraction in a much more intelligent, and equal, way...
This is not taught in school, but maybe it should be, because attraction is how we make the jump to procreation, and the human race needs attraction and loving connection in order to flourish.
So, first, ask yourself, 'what is it that I am most attracted to in a partner, what do I want to bring into my world and keep there, nourishing and watching it grow for the next 20, 30, 40, 50 years?' This is a twofold question. So answer this inquiry in two steps, ok?
What do you lack within yourself that you feel has an external fix or solution? If you are not completely and fully filled to the brim with the very energy that made you, no matter who you end up with, you will always need life force energy to survive. The absolute truth is, it is not enough to leech onto someone else's energy, thus, relying on their life force energy to help you appreciate the absolute perfection that made everything, including you! You will never succeed in absorbing enough of their life force (approval, fussing and fawning) to fill yourself up. No amount will ever be enough. Step back for a moment. If you don't love you, why would you think that anyone else would? You have no genuine love to give. And your continual taking will kill the love they feel for you. And yes, this works in reverse, too. Ever wonder why you simply fall out of love with someone and don't know why? They need too much, they drain you, you become emotionally spent, and guess what? They are empty too, and you both need to go recharge. END OF 'LOVE'.
Sometimes we'll take anything, because it SEEMS better than being alone. But it also means we then don't have to focus on our own growth. We can just focus on them, it is a full time job, this partner-pleasing! Whew! As long as you over-give, they will have to love you. And then you can too.
Nope. Back at square one. And there are so many other scenarios, but I won't go on and on.
The bottom line is this. What they don't teach in school is self-love. Every day in this country teachers witness the fallout of broken homes, abuse, attention deficit issues, depression, and so on, in the students. What if there was a basic self-awareness class taught in 9th grade, the first year of high school? We'd be looking at a completely different graduating class, for sure. But what this would teach in youth is what it sometimes takes a lifetime for us to learn and put into action. Do you really want to be 75 years old and JUST waking up to the realization that you are pretty awesome, you thrive on being alive, you're fascinated by life and how it works, and you love & appreciate each person you know without feeling the need to change anything about them?
I bet you'd rather get to that place NOW, right? (But, better late than never, I say.) This is the difference between being MADLY IN LOVE (total loss of sensibilities and judgement) and truly LOVING any person, animal, thing without any expectation of return. The self-aware and self-loving person is already full when they seek a mate. They wish to attract an equal, a wise person like themselves that understands that passion eventually cools to a slow simmer that only after some time begins to bear mature fruit, nourishing the soul of each person in the relationship long term. Someone who is MADLY IN LOVE is like a bloodsucking vampire on a feeding frenzy, and as cute as that sounds, eventually there is death if the huge jump from lust to intelligent, realistic love is not made.
Which kind of LOVE are you seeking, and why? What kind of love do you currently have, and why? Could you entertain the idea of loving without expectation? The way you answer that question will tell me just how much you truly love, and appreciate, the magnificently beautiful one-of-a-kind creation that is YOU!
Hugs, and much love...just because!